March 21st, 2017

rosa is not quite scowling

Within a month of Trump's election I was made homeless ...

That is a fact. More on that later.

I'm writing this on my phone. I haven't used the mobile app before, but I need to keep this in my life.

Living out here (now that I am neither homeless nor in danger) is doing good things for me. I am doing good work for others, and I believe in it.

The thing I really wanted to record was the realization that lesbianism has always defined definition. I met a he/his afab, only 21 years old, who identifies as "gay" and wants "vagina" by which he means he wants cis women. I was hanging out with another woman only slightly older than me, but old enough to have been a Lexington regular-- she said, "he'd love it there." At the Lexington. The last lesbian bar. He!

(Clearly, a mixed up kid with some exploration left to do, but somehow not a dealbreaker?)

Pretty much only the shitty dykes are gatekeepers. I was afraid of my own identity because of them. I forced myself to endure rejection and posturing for so long, because I didn't feel "pure" enough. If I had found a way to avoid meeting the gatekeepers first, maybe I would have gotten a feeling of belonging and reconciliation sooner.

Unsurprisingly, i guess a lot of Phoenix lesbians were socially conservative.

I've been reading lesbian books. History isn't so "pure" either. It is a relief.