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26 November 2014 @ 10:33 pm
shady lady  
 The moral of the story is that I can drink even more wine than I had imagined possible, if I really put my mind to it. And then I wake up the next morning and don't feel terrible, even though it was the cheapest wines. 

1.5 L chardonnay. 

Then a girl from my past, a pretty and troubled girl from my past contacted me out of the blue and was absurdly sweet and flattering towards me and kind of flirty, so I went over to her house, and we drank most of a box of wine together and made out and such and also co-mourned about Savanna and how she had died alone. Then, I guess she had therapy, so her boyfriend drove us to her psychiatrist, and she wanted to take me in with her, but her therapist tricked her out of it, so I was in a boring waiting room forever. Then she ambled to a Dairy Queen and bought more chicken tenders than she needed; so did I. We probably should have just split something. I felt a little bad about eating meat, but I was hungry and there was nothing else, and also tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 

Pretty much I spent the day with her. She's pretty and quiet and demure and likes to hide at her home with her dogs, and drink too much, and be an inward oriented nerd with emotional complexity. I guess she's always liked me a lot more than I thought she did. At various times, I've heard from a number of people she wanted to have sex with me; I think she invited me to, once, asking to be my "lesbian apprentice," but I thought she just wanted to know how to flirt with girls so I was oblivious aah. 

She lives with her boyfriend who looks after her very well, as she's recovering from a breakdown. She takes care of his kids regularly; it's odd, to see her in a domestic capacity, when I remember her old roach-encrusted house with a line of Delsym bottles on the counter. I'm amused that she told the ambien and appletinis party story to her boyfriend, "The Mystery of the Missing Sparklepants," hahaha. Ah. Man.  Also, she didn't know that her oven has a broiler, even though she likes to cook. People have such interesting gaps in knowledge.

I dunno. I should probably date her. I mentioned I hadn't had a girlfriend for years, that I need a girlfriend. She said, "I do too..." I dunno. We would get to do cute girly things together and it'd be cute. And she's pretty, she thinks I'm pretty, she thinks I'm interesting and smart. ugh. I hate it when girls like me, it makes me nervous and dumb. I should probably date her. She knows enough about me to not find any dealbreakers about me, I suppose. But she's emotionally vulnerable, moreso than me. I am used to being crazy, and she is really dealing with a lot of stuff that is bigger and scarier. I dunno. I'm going to spend this weekend at her house, after Thanksgiving. I don't want to go to Thanksgiving, it's my least favorite holiday. But, seeing her will give me something to look forward to this week. She is soft and warm and likes me, though, and after all these years I can at least try to act less nervous around her because that's what you do when you have a certain level of intimacy with someone. But, I am still... Mn. It was nice to touch another girl's hair, to feel the warmth and softness of a girl; not really in an especially sexual way, but rather in the pleasantness of bodies; a thing I do not experience anymore, but would like to.

ah man I really am stressed out over thanksgiving aaa.

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